-I doled out a mock quiz on Friday. The purpose was to get my students ready for the end-of-the-unit test. The unit test is hard (based on how students should perform at the end of the year) and contrived (I’m not sure I could pass it). The purpose of the test is to get ready for the high stakes test in the spring. I feel compelled to expose the students to the format ahead of time.
Spoiler alert: They do not do well on the quiz.
I’m not going to lie. I freak out a little. I feel like a lousy teacher. I wonder if they put forth any effort in at all and by the way what the heck is going on here?! Instead of going on a walk like I had hoped to do I react and obsess. I feel desperate to get them up to snuff. I think, “I need to give my kids a boot camp for constructive response.” No, wait. “I’ll cut and paste their answers into a document and “make” them grade the different answers. Then they will see the error of their ways and all will be fine.
Plot twist not-twist: This is not a good place to make decisions from.
And this is why I am blogging. Just two weeks ago I talked about chilling the f**k out and here I am again. I say to myself, “Jill. Are you not even listening to yourself?” But here’s the thing. Muscle memory does not reprogram easily. Brainwashing does not rewire with ease.
It’s a swim upstream. But I am going to keep reminding myself and surrounding myself with people who will remind me, too.
Remind me that I need to free myself to teach the way I know is right.
It’s as simple as that.
Remind me to get my students ready “for the test” life by:
Twisting and contorting myself to teach to the test will kill me.
How am I going to respond instead of react?
Here are some questions I can ask myself when I see this pressure-panic part of me exposed: